Daniela Soriano 
Hi friends! I hope your week went well, mine was kinda slow, but here we are at the end of another week and the beggining of a much desired weekend, and I do love my weekends! Now I bet most of you are making lots of plans to have fun and make the most of it, but want to know a secret? Not me, at least not most of the time, and if I do end up making plans I will most likely end up cancelling them.
¡Hola amigos! Espero que su semana haya ido bien, la mía estuvo medio lentona, pero aquí estamos al final de otra semana y al principio de un muy deseado fin de semana, y adoro mis fines de semana. Ahora, ya sé que la mayoría de ustedes estará haciendo planes para divertirse y aprovechar, pero ¿quieren saber un secreto? yo no, al menos no la mayoría del tiempo y si los hago, probablemente los cancelaré en el último momento.
If you know me in real life you’re probably thinking “that’s such a Dani thing” cause I’ve probably done that to you more than once and I’ve probably said “yeah let’s hang out sometime next week” and never texted you again regarding our plans, and you probably wonder what the hell is wrong with me, well today I plan to explain myself.
Si me conocen en la vida real probablemente estén pensando “eso es tan Dani” porque probablemente ya se las he aplicado en más de una ocasión y también probablemente les haya dicho “hagamos algo la próxima semana” y nunca les mandé mensaje para hacerlo, y quizá se estén preguntando qué está mal conmigo, pues hoy pienso explicarles.
Now, if you’ve been reading me and following me closely you know how I’m still undergoing treatment for my anxiety disorder and depression, yes, this is another one of those posts (I’m sorry but writing about my struggles helps me), and the truth is, I have some good days and some bad ones, but lately the bad ones seem to be a lot more, don’t worry, I’m not giving up.
Si me han estado leyendo y siguiendo de cerca sabrán que aún estoy en tratamiento para mi desorden ansioso depresivo, sí, éste es otro de esos posts (lo lamento, pero hablar del tema me ayuda), y la verdad es que, tengo días buenos y días malos, pero últimamente los malos parecen ser más que los buenos, no se preocupen, no me estoy rindiendo.
Something you need to know about my depression, and I think this happens to a lot of people who suffer from it, is that you feel trapped inside your mind, the way that I feel it is as if the real me is somewhere deep down inside my head and she wants to come out and play, but she’s there trapped and I’m always hyper aware of that, so she makes plans, or I make plans cause I know that’s what she’d do and want, and then, at the last moment, this version of myself can’t handle going out cause it’s too overwhelming and I’ll end up cancelling plans.
Algo que deben saber de mi depresión, y creo que es algo que le pasa a muchos que sufren de ella, es que me siento atrapada en mi mente, como si la verdadera yo estuviese en algún rincón en mi cabeza y quisiera salir pero no puede y es algo de lo que siempre estoy super consciente, así que ella hace planes, o más bien yo hago planes porque sé que es lo que ella haría y querría, pero luego en el último momento, ésta versión mía no tolera salir porque es abrumador y entonces termino cancelando mis planes.
So it’s not that I don’t want to go out and do things and be sociable, it is that sometimes I can’t handle it and I’d rather stay inside without having to explain my general feeling of dread to people and without having to pretend to find your jokes funny (I’m sure they are) or worrying about whether you think what I said is clever or lame, it’s just too energy consuming at this point in life. Next time that someone cancels plans on you, please don’t give them grief, it makes us feel terrible, just assure them that it’s okay and you’ll get another chance to hang out, I’m pretty sure they’ll appreciate it, cause I know I would.
Entonces, no es que no quiera salir y hacer cosas y ser sociable, es que a veces no puedo manejarlo y preferiría quedarme en casa sin tener que explicar ese sentimiento de terror en general a la gente, o tener que fingir reirme de tu chiste (que estoy segura es graciosísimo) o preocuparme de si lo que dije fue inteligente o trillado, consume demasiada de mi energía en éste momento de mi vida. La próxima vez que alguien te llame para cancelar planes no los hagas sufrir por ello, ya nos sentimos terrible, sólo asegúrales que está bien y ya habrá otra oportunidad de salir, estoy segura de que lo apreciarán, lo sé porque yo lo haría.
Ahhh I can so relate to various part of this post. I know the feeling of feeling trapped inside your mind. Thanks for sharing! By the way, those pink trousers are so cool 🙂
It’s an awful feeling, it makes me feel tired! I’m glad you could relate! And the trousers are from Bershka 🙂
I went through a really bad spell of this throughout February and I have been much better about it recently, realizing that I am much better when surrounding myself with people. Hope you start to feel more sociable! 🙂
How did you overcome it? I need to start going out more, it’s getting slightly better, but I still have weeks where I struggle.
I actually began managing my school’s baseball team with one of my best friends. I met tons of new people, developed amazing relationships with adults, was constantly kept busy, and fell in love with something new and interesting! I find that when I’m busier and around people i enjoy, I’m a lot better.
I’ll have to keep myself busy then!! Thank you for sharing your experience! 🙂
Firstly you do not need to apologize, secondly, I completely relate to this! I am the same way and it is difficult and it sucks because people aren’t always understanding. Be good and kind to yourself. Do what YOU need to help get you through and I hope you begin to feel better soon beauty! <3
OMG I looooved your comment, thank you so much for such kind words, I really appreciate it, it makes me feel less alone.
Huge hugs. I am so glad sweets! Anytime! <3